Hey, Internet. A few weeks ago, I started rewatching one of the most ridiculous shows ever, The Secret Life of the American Teenager. A lot of you asked me to continue cataloging my thoughts on the series, so here’s Episode 3!
How far along is Amy supposed to be now? If she doesn’t tell her parents soon, I am going to die of secondhand stress.
Ben is literally making out with a giant teddy bear to practice kissing Amy. I HATE THIS.
Wait, wait, Henry and Alice are DATING? How did I forget that?! They definitely don’t act like it.
My god, Grace needs to get out more. She has no friends?? Like, at ALL? This is depressing.
WHO SPEAKS TO THEIR GUIDANCE COUNSELOR LIKE THIS?!! I wish I was making this dialogue up.
Grace’s family is WAY too involved in her life. No wonder she doesn’t have friends.
Now Amy’s doctor keeps calling her and asking if she’s told her parents about the pregnancy yet. Truly the hero we need.
Sigh, this doctor is actually being pretty nice and Amy’s just blowing her off. THIS IS SO STRESSFUL.
Why is Amy’s mom always trying to talk her into quitting the marching band? Also, why is she even IN marching band if she plays the French horn…?
I just noticed Adrian is wearing a shirt that literally says, “I recycle boys.” I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
Wait, why is Ricky calling Grace?? And how does everyone at this school just magically have each other’s numbers? I’m concerned.
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Ohhh okay, so Grace and Ricky are pretending to go on a date so she can sneak around with Jack and he can make Adrian jealous. Well, what could possibly go wrong??
Now Ben is picking Amy up for their date and being all awkward. If Amy’s dad calls him “the sausage king” one more time, I will SCREAM.
Has Grace ever done ANYTHING bad in her life? She’s acting like going out with Jack is the most scandalous thing ever. I would love to see her character on Euphoria.
Why are Amy’s friends here? Are they spying on her? Do they not have lives of their own? Also, their reaction to Alice and Henry making out is me.
Ben just tried to kiss Amy and she threw up. This is SO BAD. HELP.
Oh man, Ashley finally figured out Amy’s secret. How has nobody else noticed?? Do Amy’s parents even pay attention to her?
Aaaaand, Ben and Amy finally kissed. They look like they’re eating each other’s mouths. I hate it.
WHEW, THAT WAS A LOT.